Charlie’s hands were positioned like this while sleeping- like he was praying.
Dear Precious friends, family, and faithful Charlie prayer warriors,
I am so sorry I have been delayed in updating you. It has grieved me to not be able to respond to emails and texts like I would normally want too. It has been a very hard stretch…not necessarily for sweet Charlie boy- though there have been ups and downs. It has been a hard stretch for his mommy. I am tired, I am exhausted, I have felt completely spent. I entered into a cycle of hard work, little sleep, little food, and being overly consumed with the heart wrenching details of Charlie’s journey. It is humbling, it has broken me on many levels, it has instigated a flow of tears that is continual, and it has deeply reminded me that this load is too big for me. It is a load that I am not meant to carry. So again I find myself at the cross of Jesus laying my aches, struggles, tears, and grief at the feet of the King of Kings that knows my sufferings and Charlie’s sufferings intimately.
My absence is not for fear of you seeing my weakness and tears- my guess is you understand. My guess is that you have or have had your own sightings of weakness and tears in your own life. I don’t ever want to portray myself as something I am not. Like I am some mighty mother made of steel- of which I am not. What I do want you to see though is my MIGHTY FATHER who IS made of MORE THAN STEEL. I don’t know, but even titanium seems an unworthy comparison. You see friend, there is an enemy, his name is satan, and he would like for me to quit. He would like me to give way to despair. He even tempts me with thoughts of hopelessness. He wants to whisper that abortion is a good idea for babies with difficulties. He wants me to think God isn’t FOR me. He would like for me to switch teams. He wants to rob, kill, and destroy…if you didn’t know, that’s what he does! He is awful! He is a liar! He is a murderer! He is deceitful! He is well disguised! And he tries to sneak through the breeches in the walls of Christians! I will not give way to his many schemes that would like to encircle this trial! Let’s be clear, these difficulties don’t tempt me to switch teams. Instead, I am developing an eye for the breeches in my walls and learning to run to Jesus for the bricks and mortar to patch them up! I have been bought with a price- a SUPER high price, the blood of Jesus, and I will remain faithful and responsive to my beloved, my first love! So, though I may be weak and eating the dirt of humility…these are good things…you know how I know? Because God says so…
2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:10 “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
James 4:6“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
I heard someone describing our situation to someone else and for a moment my heart sank for that poor mother of 10 living in the NICU…then I realized, it was me! I was tempted to feel sorry for her (her was me!). Don’t feel sorry for “her”- Rather, be reminded of the POWER of GOD in our weakness and know that I am so encouraged as I witness him turning my feeble meowing of a kitten (if even that) into something more like the roar of a lioness. Charlie’s darling little God given roar’s in his battles have inspired me and are beginning to rub off on me…and the Lord is stirring within me a much stronger and deeper cry of a warrior! This battle is bigger than just Charlie’s healing- it is the spirit of God moving, working, and transforming much. It is stirring within Bob, myself, and my precious family a war cry- something like this: (please take the time to watch this)
“Rak” – The rock-like ‘oomph’ of the spiritually zealous heart…Proverbs 23:17
“Chazak” is possessing a resolute and growling resolve for the glory of God…” 2 Corinthians 4:6
Simply Put – “Rak Chazak” means “All Strength and Courage for the Glory of Our God”
“Amats”: It’s rushing headlong into the most hazardous and impossible battles without pausing to consider the impossibilities.” 1 Samuel 17:45-51
“Chazak Amats” means “All Strength for Him in the Face of Sure Death”
“A tensing of all a soldier’s muscles.” 2 Timothy 2:4
“We are in a position to see souls set free!” Romans 6:22
“Your knuckles, spiritually, should turn white and you should find yourself gritting your spiritual teeth with a belligerence against the enemy…” Revelation 19:11-21
“HE GOES DOWN!” Revelation 20:10
“It’s a confidence in victory even before the field is taken.” Judges 15:14-16
“It’s lambs moving with liquid ferocity straight into the lion’s lair.” Joshua 6:1-5, 20-21
“Swift-footed, All-believing, Super-conquering, Prevailing faith in the Lord of battles.” 2 Thessalonians 1:3-11
“Be strong and of good courage!” Deuteronomy 31:6-8
“Even if we die, we win.” Matthew 19:29
GLORY BE TO GOD!!!
Charlie needs some miracles. The doctors need wisdom from God. Charlie is championing this war. He is so strong. He is so precious. He is amazing. He has been off the ventilator for 1 week now. It has not been easy, but he is handling it. He needs his breathing to grow stronger. Food needs to digest- guts to awaken. He needs fistula to close. The physical therapist is amazed at his cognitive ability and social skills even on the Meds he is currently on. She says it is amazing and that he is functioning at a very high level like 1 in 100 babies would. Charlie loves people, loves to talk, loves to play, and is working very very hard to progress to home!