Speechless Tears

Charlie snuggled into my chest and deep into my arms as if he was “home.”  He settled in and fell into a deep peaceful sleep.  I pondered the desire to have him home with us again, where he could be held and snuggled all day long.  I watched the clock as I knew I had to put Charlie back in his bed and leave before rush hour traffic…who does that?  Puts their baby in a crib and leaves before rush hour traffic?  His delight and comfort of being in my arms made the task that faced me near impossible.  I watched the clock tick way to quickly.  Eventually, with tremendous self-discipline I stood up and put Charlie in his cool bed where he immediately fussed at having to leave his warm cocoon with mama.  I wanted to fuss too, but I didn’t-  I patted him and consoled him until he dozed off to sleep again.  Luke and I made a quiet exit so as not to awaken him and cause either of us further heart break.  Upon our arrival home, my heart was filled again as I greeted each one of my other children.  Isaac jumped off his bike and ran to my car beaming.  He lept into the passenger seat and wrapped his chubby little arms around me and laid his head on my arm with giddy giggles.  Enid appeared on the deck above me smiling, waving, and blowing kisses.  My older girl’s peered over the railing with big smiles.  My boy’s came from all direction where they had been laboring on one project or another…my heart was filling.  As we gathered at the dinner table I had this strong feeling that we were missing people, there was a BIG hole.  I counted 1 thru 9, again- 1 thru 9…hmmm…all here.  Why does it feel like we are missing….ugh, Charlie!  We are missing Charlie!  Of course we feel a hole!  Oh Charlie, we long to have you home!  God help us to be patient in getting him home, give us peace, give us strength, give us hope.  Help us to trust you and your perfect timing…you have this perfectly planned, perfectly timed.

After dinner we opened a package that had arrived from California in a large flat box.  Hmmmm…what could it be?  These precious  California ladies have already done so much to encourage us, what could this be?  With lot’s of ideas, guesses, and anticipation in the room we unwrapped the gift.  There it was.  Tears.  Speechless.  Tears.  Speechless.  It was our precious Charlie, in a beautiful pencil sketch:

imageWe all just sat and praised God for our dear friends’ skill and the fearful and wonderful creation of our little muffin, Charlie.  Thank you Hilary for the love you displayed in each stroke of your pencil and thank you for sharing your gifts with us.  We love you! The drawing adorns our wall and will be a constant reminder of God’s provision and marvelous works through this valley of the shadow of death.

1 Peter 4:13
But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

God, may your glory be revealed and may we be glad with exceeding joy as we partake of your sufferings!!!


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